Sleeping in – not always about being lazy

by Radio Somewhere

My bed is not exactly comfortable – just a sleeping bag liner, comforter and pillow on a camping pad on the floor – but in the early morning, I hate to leave it. In that bedroll, I feel safe – and loved – despite being alone! On many mornings, I’m fearful of facing the world. West Seattle has a horrible sense of angst hanging over it, and my own life continues to be about limping along from one disappointing setback to the next.

I’m not unhappy though, and at the end of each day, I often marvel at what I managed to do and crawl back into that bedroll feeling positive and encouraged. I put on a podcast, but usually fall asleep after just five minutes. It’s the best part of the day.

I don’t know what happens to me overnight. I sleep very well and am rarely troubled with nightmares. But the happy optimism of bedtime seems to evaporate overnight – and I wake with a sense of foreboding.

I have two wakeup alarms. When I have a firm morning commitment, I set my alarm clock with the obnoxiously loud beep for 5:30 – and I allow myself to hit the snooze once. If I am working at home in the morning, I use the alarm feature on my old iPhone (the nice harp sound). It goes off at 6:00 – and I allow myself several snoozes. On weekends, I set no alarm, leaving it to the cat to get me out of bed.

Today, I had no place to be until noon and it was raining hard; so there was no pressure of time. Yesterday had been rather amazing, one way or another. I took part in one of the Jane Walks and met some interesting folks. It was one of those days when riding public transit in Seattle is the richest of human experiences – everywhere I went, I found happy people behaving themselves! Yet, I woke feeling anxious and fearful, and I just wanted to take refuge in my cozy nest.

By 8:55, the cat was getting impatient – and glaring at me. I knew I couldn’t hang in there much longer. When I next checked the time, it was 9:11 – and that was definitely my cue to get up.

I’m having a nice day, and after I’m done with my commitment, I’ll go for coffee and get back into my latest read: Song Of The Lark by Willa Cather. I’ll download some podcasts and go to the store. I’ll walk home, if I don’t want to wait for the once-hourly bus. My chores are all done, so I can just enjoy dinner and get an early night with a few comedy podcasts. And I’ll go to sleep very happy with life – until I wake up tomorrow morning – and have to wrench myself from the love and safety of my bed.

I wonder what’s going on as I sleep?